Gertrude the Great

Gertrude wrote.  A LOT. You can tell by buying her book “The Herald of Divine Love“, a blockbuster in 5 volumes.  Fewer than “Harry Potter”, but more than “The Lord Of The Rings”, and that’s a biggie.

You can then move on to “Spiritual Exercises” (no special clothing required), a collection of meditations, rituals, prayers, instructions on how to pray, chants, hymns, and litanies.

Somewhat more portable are these Laminated Prayer Cards (in a great value pack of 25) for easy on-the-go freeing of souls from purgatory.  Sadly there appears to be no Gertrude Calculator to keep track of those 1,000s of souls.  Can’t help feeling that there’s a gap in the market.

All of that work will no doubt make you thirsty, so of course you’ll need your Gertrude The Great mug.

If you’ve had a particularly good month and filled the collection plate, you can push the boat out and get yourself a Documented reliquary theca with relics of St Gertrude The Great. A bargain at just US$2,375.

A fitting and useful tribute to Gertrude The Great would be to sign up to the NHS Organ Donation register (in English or Welsh, your choice) so that your heart could continue to beat and help another soul.